diff --git a/lib/buffer.js b/lib/buffer.js
index 6fb7a6d993..f755d951b8 100644
--- a/lib/buffer.js
+++ b/lib/buffer.js
@@ -616,35 +616,28 @@ Buffer.prototype.asciiWrite = function(string, offset) {
   return this.write(string, offset, 'ascii');
 };
 
-Buffer.prototype.readUInt8 = function(offset, noAssert) {
-  var buffer = this;
 
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
+/*
+ * Need to make sure that buffer isn't trying to write out of bounds.
+ * This check is far too slow internally for fast buffers.
+ */
+function checkOffset(offset, ext, length) {
+  if ((offset % 1) !== 0 || offset < 0)
+    throw new RangeError('offset is not uint');
+  if (offset + ext > length)
+    throw new RangeError('Trying to access beyond buffer length');
+}
 
-    assert.ok(offset < buffer.length,
-        'Trying to read beyond buffer length');
-  }
 
-  return buffer[offset];
+Buffer.prototype.readUInt8 = function(offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 1, this.length);
+  return this[offset];
 };
 
-function readUInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  var val = 0;
-
-
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(typeof (isBigEndian) === 'boolean',
-        'missing or invalid endian');
-
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset + 1 < buffer.length,
-        'Trying to read beyond buffer length');
-  }
 
+function readUInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian) {
+  var val = 0;
   if (isBigEndian) {
     val = buffer[offset] << 8;
     val |= buffer[offset + 1];
@@ -656,28 +649,24 @@ function readUInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
   return val;
 }
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readUInt16LE = function(offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 2, this.length);
   return readUInt16(this, offset, false, noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readUInt16BE = function(offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 2, this.length);
   return readUInt16(this, offset, true, noAssert);
 };
 
+
 function readUInt32(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
   var val = 0;
 
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(typeof (isBigEndian) === 'boolean',
-        'missing or invalid endian');
-
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset + 3 < buffer.length,
-        'Trying to read beyond buffer length');
-  }
-
   if (isBigEndian) {
     val = buffer[offset + 1] << 16;
     val |= buffer[offset + 2] << 8;
@@ -693,11 +682,17 @@ function readUInt32(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
   return val;
 }
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readUInt32LE = function(offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 4, this.length);
   return readUInt32(this, offset, false, noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readUInt32BE = function(offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 4, this.length);
   return readUInt32(this, offset, true, noAssert);
 };
 
@@ -747,113 +742,82 @@ Buffer.prototype.readUInt32BE = function(offset, noAssert) {
  * (0x007f + 1) * -1
  * (0x0080) * -1
  */
-Buffer.prototype.readInt8 = function(offset, noAssert) {
-  var buffer = this;
-  var neg;
 
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset < buffer.length,
-        'Trying to read beyond buffer length');
-  }
-
-  neg = buffer[offset] & 0x80;
-  if (!neg) {
-    return (buffer[offset]);
-  }
-
-  return ((0xff - buffer[offset] + 1) * -1);
+Buffer.prototype.readInt8 = function(offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 1, this.length);
+  if (!(this[offset] & 0x80))
+    return (this[offset]);
+  return ((0xff - this[offset] + 1) * -1);
 };
 
-function readInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  var neg, val;
 
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(typeof (isBigEndian) === 'boolean',
-        'missing or invalid endian');
+function readInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian) {
+  var val = readUInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian);
 
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset + 1 < buffer.length,
-        'Trying to read beyond buffer length');
-  }
-
-  val = readUInt16(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert);
-  neg = val & 0x8000;
-  if (!neg) {
+  if (!(val & 0x8000))
     return val;
-  }
-
   return (0xffff - val + 1) * -1;
 }
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readInt16LE = function(offset, noAssert) {
-  return readInt16(this, offset, false, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 2, this.length);
+  return readInt16(this, offset, false);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readInt16BE = function(offset, noAssert) {
-  return readInt16(this, offset, true, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 2, this.length);
+  return readInt16(this, offset, true);
 };
 
-function readInt32(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  var neg, val;
-
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(typeof (isBigEndian) === 'boolean',
-        'missing or invalid endian');
 
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
+function readInt32(buffer, offset, isBigEndian) {
+  var val = readUInt32(buffer, offset, isBigEndian);
 
-    assert.ok(offset + 3 < buffer.length,
-        'Trying to read beyond buffer length');
-  }
-
-  val = readUInt32(buffer, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert);
-  neg = val & 0x80000000;
-  if (!neg) {
+  if (!(val & 0x80000000))
     return (val);
-  }
-
   return (0xffffffff - val + 1) * -1;
 }
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readInt32LE = function(offset, noAssert) {
-  return readInt32(this, offset, false, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 2, this.length);
+  return readInt32(this, offset, false);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readInt32BE = function(offset, noAssert) {
-  return readInt32(this, offset, true, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkOffset(offset, 2, this.length);
+  return readInt32(this, offset, true);
 };
 
-function checkOffset(offset, ext, length) {
-  if ((offset % 1) !== 0 || offset < 0)
-    throw new RangeError('offset is not uint');
-  if (offset + ext > length)
-    throw new RangeError('Trying to access beyond buffer length');
-}
-
 Buffer.prototype.readFloatLE = function(offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 4, this.length);
   return this.parent.readFloatLE(this.offset + offset, !!noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readFloatBE = function(offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 4, this.length);
   return this.parent.readFloatBE(this.offset + offset, !!noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readDoubleLE = function(offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 8, this.length);
   return this.parent.readDoubleLE(this.offset + offset, !!noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.readDoubleBE = function(offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 8, this.length);
@@ -861,63 +825,24 @@ Buffer.prototype.readDoubleBE = function(offset, noAssert) {
 };
 
 
-/*
- * We have to make sure that the value is a valid integer. This means that it is
- * non-negative. It has no fractional component and that it does not exceed the
- * maximum allowed value.
- *
- *      value           The number to check for validity
- *
- *      max             The maximum value
- */
-function verifuint(value, max) {
-  assert.ok(typeof (value) == 'number',
-      'cannot write a non-number as a number');
-
-  assert.ok(value >= 0,
-      'specified a negative value for writing an unsigned value');
-
-  assert.ok(value <= max, 'value is larger than maximum value for type');
-
-  assert.ok(Math.floor(value) === value, 'value has a fractional component');
+function checkInt(buffer, value, offset, ext, max, min) {
+  if ((value % 1) !== 0 || value > max || value < min)
+    throw TypeError("value is out of bounds");
+  if ((offset % 1) !== 0 || offset < 0)
+    throw TypeError("offset is not uint");
+  if (offset + ext > buffer.length || buffer.length + offset < 0)
+    throw RangeError("Trying to write outside buffer length");
 }
 
-Buffer.prototype.writeUInt8 = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  var buffer = this;
-
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(value !== undefined && value !== null,
-        'missing value');
-
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset < buffer.length,
-        'trying to write beyond buffer length');
 
-    verifuint(value, 0xff);
-  }
-
-  buffer[offset] = value;
+Buffer.prototype.writeUInt8 = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 1, 0xff, 0);
+  this[offset] = value;
 };
 
-function writeUInt16(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(value !== undefined && value !== null,
-        'missing value');
-
-    assert.ok(typeof (isBigEndian) === 'boolean',
-        'missing or invalid endian');
-
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset + 1 < buffer.length,
-        'trying to write beyond buffer length');
-
-    verifuint(value, 0xffff);
-  }
 
+function writeUInt16(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian) {
   if (isBigEndian) {
     buffer[offset] = (value & 0xff00) >>> 8;
     buffer[offset + 1] = value & 0x00ff;
@@ -927,31 +852,22 @@ function writeUInt16(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
   }
 }
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeUInt16LE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeUInt16(this, value, offset, false, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 2, 0xffff, 0);
+  writeUInt16(this, value, offset, false);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeUInt16BE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeUInt16(this, value, offset, true, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 2, 0xffff, 0);
+  writeUInt16(this, value, offset, true);
 };
 
-function writeUInt32(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    assert.ok(value !== undefined && value !== null,
-        'missing value');
-
-    assert.ok(typeof (isBigEndian) === 'boolean',
-        'missing or invalid endian');
-
-    assert.ok(offset !== undefined && offset !== null,
-        'missing offset');
-
-    assert.ok(offset + 3 < buffer.length,
-        'trying to write beyond buffer length');
-
-    verifuint(value, 0xffffffff);
-  }
 
+function writeUInt32(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian) {
   if (isBigEndian) {
     buffer[offset] = (value >>> 24) & 0xff;
     buffer[offset + 1] = (value >>> 16) & 0xff;
@@ -965,12 +881,18 @@ function writeUInt32(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
   }
 }
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeUInt32LE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeUInt32(this, value, offset, false, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 4, 0xffffffff, 0);
+  writeUInt32(this, value, offset, false);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeUInt32BE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeUInt32(this, value, offset, true, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 4, 0xffffffff, 0);
+  writeUInt32(this, value, offset, true);
 };
 
 
@@ -1011,92 +933,67 @@ Buffer.prototype.writeUInt32BE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
  * hacky, but it should work and get the job done which is our goal here.
  */
 
-/*
- * A series of checks to make sure we actually have a signed 32-bit number
- */
-function verifsint(value, max, min) {
-  assert.ok(typeof (value) == 'number',
-      'cannot write a non-number as a number');
-
-  assert.ok(value <= max, 'value larger than maximum allowed value');
-
-  assert.ok(value >= min, 'value smaller than minimum allowed value');
-
-  assert.ok(Math.floor(value) === value, 'value has a fractional component');
-}
-
 Buffer.prototype.writeInt8 = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  var buffer = this;
-
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    verifsint(value, 0x7f, -0x80);
-  }
-
-  if (value >= 0) {
-    buffer.writeUInt8(value, offset, noAssert);
-  } else {
-    buffer.writeUInt8(0xff + value + 1, offset, noAssert);
-  }
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 1, 0x7f, -0x80);
+  if (value < 0) value = 0xff + value + 1;
+  this[offset] = value;
 };
 
-function writeInt16(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    verifsint(value, 0x7fff, -0x8000);
-  }
-
-  if (value >= 0) {
-    writeUInt16(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert);
-  } else {
-    writeUInt16(buffer, 0xffff + value + 1, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert);
-  }
-}
 
 Buffer.prototype.writeInt16LE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeInt16(this, value, offset, false, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 2, 0x7fff, -0x8000);
+  if (value < 0) value = 0xffff + value + 1;
+  writeUInt16(this, value, offset, false);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeInt16BE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeInt16(this, value, offset, true, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 2, 0x7fff, -0x8000);
+  if (value < 0) value = 0xffff + value + 1;
+  writeUInt16(this, value, offset, true);
 };
 
-function writeInt32(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert) {
-  if (!noAssert) {
-    verifsint(value, 0x7fffffff, -0x80000000);
-  }
-
-  if (value >= 0) {
-    writeUInt32(buffer, value, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert);
-  } else {
-    writeUInt32(buffer, 0xffffffff + value + 1, offset, isBigEndian, noAssert);
-  }
-}
 
 Buffer.prototype.writeInt32LE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeInt32(this, value, offset, false, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 4, 0x7fffffff, -0x80000000);
+  if (value < 0) value = 0xffffffff + value + 1;
+  writeUInt32(this, value, offset, false);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeInt32BE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
-  writeInt32(this, value, offset, true, noAssert);
+  if (!noAssert)
+    checkInt(this, value, offset, 4, 0x7fffffff, -0x80000000);
+  if (value < 0) value = 0xffffffff + value + 1;
+  writeUInt32(this, value, offset, true);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeFloatLE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 4, this.length);
   this.parent.writeFloatLE(value, this.offset + offset, !!noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeFloatBE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 4, this.length);
   this.parent.writeFloatBE(value, this.offset + offset, !!noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeDoubleLE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 8, this.length);
   this.parent.writeDoubleLE(value, this.offset + offset, !!noAssert);
 };
 
+
 Buffer.prototype.writeDoubleBE = function(value, offset, noAssert) {
   if (!noAssert)
     checkOffset(offset, 8, this.length);